Man as a specie will continue evolving especially in the form of adaptation to his environment. Scientists are quick to talk about homo erectus, homo sapiens, etc but the adaptation I am talking about has to do with the way the male and female species inter-relate and the duties each is expected to perform to keep the right balance in the society.

Since the earliest memory of man; the male specie has the responsibility of protecting and providing for his family. He is expected to wake up early to look for food for his wife and children; this might take the course of gathering food items and killing animals for meat in the primitive times. As the years went by, this expanded to activities like farming, working in mines etc. What I am driving at is that in those early days, the available jobs were those that required a high level of brawn and strength which ensured that only the man could go out to work.

In those days, the wife prays daily for the man to return home every night not only because of her love for him but also because he was the meal ticket of the family. The continued existence and survival of the family unit solely rested on his shoulders. The man should respect the woman as he knows that the duties she performed in the house were of great import. Imagine her cleaning, cooking and taking care of the kids not forgetting the sacrifice of carrying a child for 9 months during pregnancy. I will add that most men did not give women this very earned respect. It was supposed to be a symbiotic relationship with mutual respect for each individual.

Fast forward to the knowledge age where the possession of strength is not a qualification for getting a job. A new age where the highest paying jobs require brain and skills. The beginning of this age favored men most likely due to the fact that women were not given the chance to express their talents but as the years passed by – a growing awareness that a woman can do as well as a man if not better changed the whole equation. It is easy to recognize the fact that things have changed but men are still living in denial or maybe fail to understand that the era of gaining a woman’s respect just by feeding them is long gone.

Man is supposed to be a very sensitive being but I guess this change is one that most have not come to understand. The whole essence of manhood has changed but many are still living in the past. This is a big concern as it is a major cause of the high rate of divorce nowadays and the reason so many men and women are not even contemplating marriage. A successful professional woman wonders why she needs a man who will be beating her at home when she has the wherewithal to take care of herself. A young man believes the new emancipation that women are experiencing will make them more arrogant and he is a man who should be the head of his house. Now, couples don’t find it that hard to divorce again as it just doesn’t make sense for a woman to continue enduring the suffering when she won’t miss anything by walking out of the marriage.

How did we get to this stage in the first instance?
Most people have a wrong idea of what marriage is and our societies derived different definitions of this lovely institution that God ordained himself. When a young man of less than 30 years decide to get married, the first thing people ask is why the rush? Why rushing into hell fire? This is very sad as most people actually think that their lives will cease to function at the highest level once they get married. Some are also afraid of losing out of their promiscuous lifestyle when they get married. My answer to them is simple – marriage in the right way ensures a better life for you. The bible says that when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor in the sight of God. But that is if the wife was found the right way, following God’s rules. I also know that men or women who think they will stop being promiscuous after getting married most likely are deceiving themselves.

It is thus very important to go back to the basics and find out why God wants us to marry, his laws regarding how we treat our spouses. Let us remind ourselves about God’s laws regarding marriage and the roles of men and women in balancing the equation. God’s commission is for the woman to honor and respect her husband while the man must love his wife not just anyhow but the same way Christ loved the church. This is powerful when we realize the extent of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross of Calvary.

Therefore, a man who wants his wife to honor and respect him must go back to God’s laws. He must prepare to love his woman unconditionally as Christ loves us. He must understand that putting food on the table is not the only way to earn this respect though it is his duty as God clearly states that a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel. But we must come to terms with the reality of the 21st century and be open to change. You can no more beat your wife in the morning and think that feeding her or buying her a gift in the evening is enough to calm her down. Christ would not have beaten us, he wouldn’t cheat on us, he wouldn’t disrespect us. God is looking for men who will marry not just because they have to, men who will carry out God’s purpose for marriage, who will continually seek for the improvement of their women, who will love their women and treat them like the Queens they are.

For the young women out there thinking they do not need a man in their life, who have decided to have a child on their own and willingly join the club of single mothers; please look at the developed countries where this practice evolved and see the problems. It is a very well-known fact that most dysfunctional people were raised in homesteads without father figures. We have started seeing the manifestation in Nigeria and the rest of Africa too. South African countries are painfully being destroyed by this phenomenon. A lot of dysfunctional kids who don’t have father figures in their lives are being raised and the world is getting worse for this reason. We all need to understand the impact of not having good family lives on the children and in extension to our communities and the world at large.

My prayers
That men will come to realize the purpose God made them the head of the family unit
That men will follow God’s rules as regards marriage shunning immorality before and after marriage
That men will understand the importance of gaining the respect of their wives though real love
That both men and women will realize they cannot live apart and cultivate the spirit of mutual respect
That Children will be brought up by their moms and dads in the way of God under a loving atmosphere.

I will discuss some ways men can start adapting to the change in future posts. God help us all. Amen.